There never was a tale so full of Woe than this of Emmy and her lame telecast.

Mum’s favorite person of the week: those sweet teenage guys that let her ride in the front car of Space Mountain over and over on her birthday. (hence the late recap. She left me to go to Disneyland and then spent tuesday lounging recovering. lame.)

Mum’s least favorite person of the week: Kate Walsh’s Stylist. It takes a lot to make that glamazon look bad. I mean she is freaking perfection, I have a girl crush she’s so fracking hot. But whoever dressed her…thanks. Her Earth Girls Are Easy hairstyle made my litter head feel blow-out fab.
Poor Kitten has to keep her shoulders up by her ears to keep this satin sheet number (pamela dennis...for shame!) from falling right off.

What on God’s green earth was this show? In the immortal words of the ‘stayed-too-long-at-the-party-and wrote-the-third-season-drunk’ Shonda Rhimes “Seriously?”

I love the Emmy’s. I love to snark on the pretty people. Cause it’s the best kind of snark. Harmless snark. We can all have a good laugh that the skinny, rich successful bitches wore something ugly and no harm, no foul. No one’s children are in danger, no one is crashing their car into a wall…everyone is just dressed up and ready to celebrate themselves. And that’s a good time in Minkyville.

First off Ryan Seacrest. He’s as boring as a three dollar bill, or is it as gay as a three dollar bill?? Whatever a three dollar bill is…Seacrest is. I just don’t get it, I don’t understand it…I see that he works hard. But he’s not even a good host!! Poor fantubulously amazing Ellen with her non skeletal Princess Portia, just sitting there. You could see the jokes racing across her eyes. You could see her dying a little inside every time the show sunk deeper and deeper in the recesses of hell.

I love the Family Guy…those are my kinda people. Stewie and Brian are indeed my guys. But how classless was the cutaway to T.R. Knight in the song when they reference Isaiah Washington? T.R. is class. Through and through. He kept his cool but he must just be tired as all hell of that. And Emmy should have been above that. Be careful Emmy; you’re loosing points and the show isn’t even three minutes old. The only good part of that opening was the black out on the Sopranos. I’m still pissed.

Thankfully Ray Romano showed up to save us from Seacrest. (Seacrest out…please God?) And we had our first FOX censorship silencing. Gah. Yeah…we get it. Conservative FOX wants to do the first GREEN save-the-planet- Emmy. What. Ev.
I would truly love to see Ray Romano on DWTS though. I still can’t figure out why the thank you speeches must be so short but we have tons of time for stand up comedy by Romano and random musical numbers.

Theatre in the round is a tough art form, it can be incredibly powerful…not so much with an award show.

America Ferrera is so cute I want to bite her. So precious. I didn’t love the belt, but what are ya gonna do? She just glows so she is truly one of those girls that can wear a burlap sack and rock. Cause this dress is really not all that. It's a little ick. And when you're a little wide those gathers are not exactly flattering. But her attitude and her sweet smile are the best accessories a girl can have. She's one to watch, as she finds her self more and more...she is gonna take the world by storm. So. There. Vanessa Williams proved yet again, that seafoam green is never a good idea. Never.

How many cat toys had to die to make that dress?

Happy for Terry O’Quinn! Dude has been around since the Paleozoic and always turns in a great performance, he’s truly talented. Well done O’Quinn! Thumbs down for the Frankie Goes to Hollywood Neon Tux shirt though. Relax! It’s the Emmy’s.
( T.R. Shoulda won just for showing up everyday, never letting the work environment show even a glimmer in his performance. He’s a fucking rockstar. You plebians have no earthly idea of how talented this cat is. Acting Genius. Watch and learn kids.)

Cut to commercial…damn Jessica Simpson for making cute shoes. I loathe her….but I want those flats!

Why can’t Katherine Heigl and Kyle Chandler get married and have babies? Genetic perfection. Kyle classic and elegant and grand. Katie…just swoon. She’s like an angel. With a wicked sense of humor. And I wouldn’t want to be on her bad side. But that skin, those eyes, that hair, she’s divine. And I love, love love that she is not a bean pole. There were several white dresses on Emmy night and hers was lovely on her. The Mermaid skirt is a tough one to pull off, and she does it well.


Thomas Hayden Church is a crack head. At least button your damn shirt before you roll up and attempt Haiku. Lame. But I am still mad I had to sit through Sideways. I know you all loved it, but I didn’t drink the Kool-Aid. That movie only did one good thing. Gave us Sandra Oh.

Let’s do a little fashion shall we? Cause the friggin show was BO-RING.

Paula Abdul desperate to revive her carreer and her reputation tries to emulate Tara Reid, but even fails at that.

Kyra Sedgwick was confused, instead of a GREEN Emmy, she thought the theme was HalloWEEN Emmy.

Can't. Snark. Laughing. Too. Hard.

What is that hair? Sigh. All these pretty girls with terrible hair. (I do like her dress.)

Good to know that pregnancy hasn't gotten in the way of Christina Aguilera's Sunset Tan addiction. A girls gotta maintain herself!
How it's done:

She gets the Most Improved award. She is usually a fashion disaster. More like a fashion Tornado. But even her Big Greys Anatomy Hair is well done. Darling Sandra Oh. A+.

Did you guys ever see that hysterical Carol Burnette sketch about Scarlet O'Hara where she comes down the grand staircase in the curtain dress with the curtain rod in her shoulders? "I saw it in the windo and just had to have it!"

I bring you the updated version:

Or maybe like Mother Ginger in the Nutcracker she's got twelve naughty boys hidden under there!(and why is Elvira in the background?)

Jenna Fisher, comedic genius; fashion moron.

I bet the fabric was lovely IRL. But on camera it just looks like what I imagine Quagmire's shower curtain is made of.

What is up with this? She just had a baby a few months ago and has a rockin pre baby bod already (bitch.) so why hide it under this? It's low waisted and sloppy and she is neither! Bad choice. Sigh.

How many versions of this same damn dress has she worn? Another one I missed the train on!

How much do you guys think the Soprano's paid for that standing O? I mean come ON! It was indeed a bad ass show. And yeah, everyone I know loved it. But not anymore than anyone loved Greys' or LOST or The West Wing. Where was the West Wing's standing O when they closed? Just whatever. And you know my heart weeps that I can't find a picture of Aida Turturro's dress. Oh, my.

JamieLynn Discala/Sigler/Discala Instant Anorexic looked awesome though! Another great white dress. Great hair, she's gorg for sure. Although I thought the added ruffle at the waist could have left off. It's like accessories. Put everything on you want to wear, now take one thing off. You're ready.

Special Props to Helen Mirren and Sally Field. With hundred and twenty years between the two of them...how hot are they? How gorgeous is their skin? Forget MILF. This was the year of the GMILF. They make aging look good. Although Sally Field should really hire someone to accept awards for her. She is wild!

Perhaps, I'll have more later. Now I must nap...